Hero ko.ü

I have been loving you.









Present Perfect Progressive.



Done in the past, doing in the present, and will continue in the future.ü

Neknek mo!

Lahat tayo naloloko.
Dadating sa punto na mararanasan yun ng bawat isa sa'tin.
Mahirap, mayaman, babae, lalaki, transgender, heterosexual,metrosexual, emo, hippies, estudyante, prof, out of school youth, bitchosa, ordinaryong mamayan, pulitiko.
Sabi nga nila, panapanahon lang yan. Unahan ba. Pwedeng nauna syang manloko, o kaya ikaw naman.


Oo, ako din, niloko nya. Kala ko dati hindi ako maapektuhan ng kagaguhan nya. Eh pakelam ko naman ba kasi sa mga pinagsasabi nya? Sino ba ang may pakelam sa kanya? Syempre yung mga taong nakakasalimuha nya lang naman, di ba? Yung mga kausap nya lagi, mga kasama nya lagi, mga nabobola nya lagi. Pero ako, hindi. Hinding hindi.
Yun ang inakala ko. Siguro, yun din ang inaakala mo hanggang ngayon. Parehas lang pala tayo.


Siyam na taon na tayong nakikinig sa bawat mabubulaklak na salita ng lider na ginagampanan ang mismong kabaliktaran ng kanyang tungkulin. Akalain mo yun. 9 na taon. Andami ng nagyari sa buhay ko nun. Nakatikim ng ilang taon sa private school. Pumasok at nakatapos ng high school, nakatuntong ng kolehiyo. Pero hindi para sa mga taong ni hinidi nararanasang kumain ng tatlong beses isang araw. YUng mga tipo mga tao na ginto kung ituring ang pagtikim sa fried chicken. Yung mga batang anghel ang tingin sa taong nagbigay sa kanila ng may kagat na tinapay sa lansangan. Yung mga matatandang King-sized bed ang turing sa karton at mamasa-masang dyaryo. Sa loob ng syam na taon, Hyatt Hotel parin ang tingin nila sa eskenita na may bubong sa Plaza Miranda. Sanktuaryo parin ang tingin nila sa sulok-sulok sa ilalim ng tulay.
Sa loob ng syam na taon, bakit ganito pa rin ang sitwasyon?

Haharap nanaman si Gloria sa madlang tao sa lunes (27) suot ang milyones na halaga nyang gown sa pinakaaabangang SONA na mas inaabangan pa ng mga tao kesa sa HP. Astig noh? Iba ibang kulay ang suot bawat taon, Dinesign ng mga prestihiyosong designer. Magaling. Daig nya pa ang debutante. Daig nya pa kung tutuusin sina Kim Chui, Sarah Geronimo at iba pa nung mag-debut sila. Sila, isang bess lang pumorma. Si Gloria, 9 na beses ng rumarampa.

Pagpipiyestahan nanaman ang mga kasinungalingan nya, mga pangako nya. At ipagmamayabang nanaman nya kung ilang imprastraktura ang napagawa sa loob ng (karumal dumal) na termino nya. Pinagmamayabang ba dapat ang tungkulin mo?
Ganito na lang isipin natin, dapat bang pinagmamayabang ng isang sekyu kung gano sya kagaling magbantay ng tindahan at kung gano sya kahyper para bantayan ang dapat nyang bantayan? Kung ako ang makakarinig ng pagmamayabang na yun, baka nabawasan na ng isang magiting na sekyu ang ating bayan.

Bakit kaya di nya subukang ibulalas kung ilang extrajudicial killings ang nangyari sa loob ng termino nya? Kung ilang paaralan ang may kulang na subsidiya, kung gano kalaki ang kinita ng mga eroplano dahil sa kakalakwacha nya? Kung gano kalaki ang kinita nya sa loob ng 9 na taon, kung ilang magsasaka ang hanggang ngayon tuyot para sa lupang inaasam nila, Kung ilang mamamayan ang nawala ng trabaho? Kung ilang tao ang nawala at pinaniniwalaang pinatay? Kung gano lumaki lalo ang kautangan ni Juan? Kung ilang piso ang tinaas ng pamasahe? Kung gano nagmahal ang isang pirason ng pandesal? kung ilang estudyante ang ngayon ay nagpapagala gala na lang, kung gano lumaki ang bentahan ng droga, Kung gano lalo tayo nabaon sa putik ng kahirapan? kung bakit hanggang ngayon, SA LOOB NG 9 NA TAON, GANITO PA RIN ANG KALAGAYAN ni JUAN?

Mas maganda kung yun ang sasabihin nya sa SONA. Tiyak ko, mas interesanteng pakinggan yun. Samahan pa nya ng Powerpoint, handouts at activities para may ice breaker. Tipong hulaan kung magkano ang nasamsam nya sa bayan. Kung sinong tamang makakahula, bibigyan ng libreng breast implant. Kulang siguro ang isang buong araw kapag yun ang pinagusapan. Baka, hindi na ipalabas ang May Bukas pa at Tayong Dalawa, kapag nagkataon.


Lahat tayo naloloko.
Dadating sa punto na mararanasan yun ng bawat isa sa'tin.
Mahirap, mayaman, babae, lalaki, transgender, heterosexual,metrosexual, emo, hippies, estudyante, prof, out of school youth, bitchosa, ordinaryong mamayan, pulitiko.
Sabi nga nila, panapanahon lang yan. Unahan ba. Pwedeng nauna syang manloko, o kaya ikaw naman.


Lahat tayo naloloko. Ipagpapatuloy pa ba natin 'to? Nauna na sya dati. apayag pa ba tayo uli? Magsawa ka naman Juan.

(Inspired by ALAB UP)

Reap.

Isang araw, namulat na lang ako sa katotohanang hindi ginawa ang cyberspace para ipagsigawan ang mga bagay na nararamdaman mo para sa mga NILALANG NA NAKATUON ANG PANDINIG AT ATENSYON SA IBANG BAGAY-slash-TAO.

Ang daming nasasayang sa mundo. Transient ang oras. Lulong at lunod ang lipunan sa nakakaumay na mga dagok. Gabundok ang problema ng lipunan para unahin at isipin mo pa ang sarili mong kalungkutan. Hindi yun ang dapat inuuna. Pano ka uunlad kung nakatuon at kulong ka lang sa sarili mong kapakanan? Madami ng nagbago. Oras. Panahon, Ikaw, Ako. At makakapagbigay ako ng ilang libong dahilan upang makisama tayo dito. Tama na ang ma-kesong kwentuhan, mga pamatay oras na talakayan. Iba ang dapat mong pinagtutuunan. Iba ang dapat KONG pinagtutuunan. Hindi Ikaw. Hindi Ikaw.


By:Lady.
Remember our last. July 8, 2009.
*RIP*

11.42 (25-Apr-09)

QUOTE: "Hindi porke pinili nyang magkaibigan lang kayo ay di ka na nya mahal, di mo lang alam mas HIGIT ka nyang mahal dahil pinili nya sa kung san kayo mas magtatagal..."



-- Bob Ong.


UNQOUTE: Tsh. Yan ang palusot. Kahit na!! *mapilit*
Haha. San mo 'to nakuha mcmac?! :p
At pati ba naman si Bob Ong, natuto na rin magpaasa?! Kelan pa??!! :D:D

FLCD:)

"umaasa sa natitirang sana"

Mali. Dahil umaasa sa natitirang SENA. :))
Kahit sya pa ang "taong sobra sobra ang testosterone sa katawan. ndi sapat ang isa para sa kanya" (Villareal,2009).


Belated Happy Birthday Lady:))

Melancholia.

I was completely smitten by what I've heard last night. (what I've read pla).
our conversation only shows that three forsaken and hopeless years is still worth waiting. and it made me realize how i lorve this person big time, for even after all these years, I'm still way too far from the inevitable 'maturity value'. it seems to me that i will never be able to reach my expiration date in longing for this person... there's still the spark, the th-th-thump of the heart and there's still the "uyy.kilig" moments lurking. HE'S STILL THE ONE. i must admit that I almost made it to my 'idiotic- self'. you see, while i was killing myself for three years (magfo-four na pla)just to have his slightest presence, there he was, completely enchanted by her looks, her everything.(ah yeah. the other girl.ü.) Love quotes are indeed cliche, but somehow real. why do we keep on longing for someone who doesn't recognize our worth?...
.
.
"i think i LikE hEr,."
i didn't have the guts and balls to ask for the identity of "her" last night. okay. we're friends. nothing more. nothing less. i'll just have to accept the fact that whoever that girl is, she's one hell of a lucky bastard. and so, i pretended to act similar. as if nothing's wrong. but in reality, im slowly losing my last remaining sanity. ugh. life really isn't fcukin' fair.
.
.
.
.
.
.
postscript: do we really have to exchange talambuhay? err. sorry if i wasn't able to. cause my life is everything you are..."




Its not as easy as you think. Letting go. Surrendering the fight and stop hoping. It is actually more of asking me to create a whole a new individual out of nothing.
i saw this article in my sentbox in friendster account dated 07-07-2008 with the subject, "basted na ko boi." Only to see myself 1 month and one day after that day eating with him and sharing nondescript stuffs and actually found myself enjoying the entire moment and creating a euphoric fantasies out of it. You see, he eally had this habit of making me fall for him over and over again. And it is too painful that despite the emotions attached, he took everything for granted.

April 25 2009. i really dont know what pushed me to ask him the billion dollar worth question. (funny. for this really had nothing to do with price. It is actually priceless, you see.) Well, my fate was in the hands of this person. The rules was simple. I've got to ask him a few questions and he simply would have to give me the most honest answer he could give. And so I thought. I actually spent couple of sleepless nights constructing the right words, the appropriate sentence that would not yield and reveal the feelings attached to it all the while. It was simple, you see? "ano ba talaga ako sa'yo?" This does not appeared all of a sudden. It was just that I realized that I have to give myself some worth and to stop this insanity by confirming the real score between us, IF ever there really is.

Fair enough. "FRIENDS LANG TALAGA. AT ALAM MO NAMAN NA DIN KUNG BAKIT. KAYA NO FURTHER EXPLANATION IS NEEDED RIGHT?" how sweet. and absolutely pathetic. I was really the insane hoodlum who keeps on making an illusion that there is something goin on between us. Well infact it is actuall a mere "kaibigan-kasi-kita" gesture.
I try to hide the pain from everyone, but it is quite inevitable to a traditional melodrama like this. The usual scenario wherein you could almost kill yourself by loving someone too much and yet it all went down the drain. whew. Nice.

I guess this is the most lethal investment of all. An emotional investment wherein you really have not earned profit at all. Five long years was supposd to be a good start for a relationship with someone who deserve you better. And yet, nothing happened. and for the sake of martyrdom,I gained nothing but the little happiness i feel being his "friend".

you know what? I reall have no right at all to be mad at you. You just said the truth. And I even thanked you for that. Kaya lang, there is really no need for further explanation. WE do not owe each other an explanation. And it's up to me how should i accept it. The thing is, i accepted it painfully.
:(

Strangers. That is.

I don't wanna see your face.I don't wanna hear your name.I don't wannt a thing
Just stay away. I don't wanna know if you're alright. Or what you're doin' with your life. I don't wanna hear you say you'll just stay in touch baby.
I'll get by just fine. And if you're goin' then,Goodbye.

Don't call me in the middle of the night no more.Don't expect me to be there. Don't think that it will be the way it was before. Don't think that I care. I'M NOT OVER YOU YET. And i dont want to be your friend.

I'll forget we ever met. I'll forget I ever let you into this heart of mine baby.You just gotta let me be. You gotta keep away from me because all I want is just to be free from you baby. Don't you come around and say you still care about me. Just go now, go now.

You take it casually,and it's killing me.Goodbye, goodbye.

Don't call me. Don't come around.And I don't wanna be your friend.

indifferent.

"how i wish girl,. naku. i want the best for you lang naman eh. if he makes you happy, there's nothing else in the world that i'd want for you maliban sa kanya. but i dont want you to continuously love someone who doesnt love you even half as much.
kasi you're amazing. and maybe, someone out there can love you more. treat you better. and make up for all the emotional capital that didnt yield profit at all" (aguilar,2009).


I have got to instill these words in my mind. and so as to close the door of whichever this leads to, fight the urge to clear things up, leave some questions unanswered, resist the aftermath of being forsaken, and BEING INDIFFERENT.

My apologies. But i guess this is where we are leading afterall. i just dont want to make it hard for ourselves.

Yeah. It's pathetic. But'll be over sooner or later.
i guess we I just have to wait for the time when apathy will reign.

transient.i

everything changed.
and so are you.
and yet you are not.

regrets.

One word. Awkward. I'd never thought that there's even a more awkward situation than meeting up with a long-time self-imposed significant other warranting for a real hug. Yeah, there is. and I need not tell it for it might eventually lead to the formation under carnal knowledge and other sort.

Ugh. I should better start writing something else. I might even spill the beans in this most unappropriate circumstance. And that's the scariest part even myself could not handle.

Darn it. I guess Mr. Brightside should definitely be trusted.

looc.

It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right


And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool